A Gridiron Goddess Announcement

Football Fiends-

I’m so happy to share my news with you. I am going to be blogging on USC Athletics over at Buster Sports. It will be all USC all the time over there, allowing me to diversify my content here on GridironGoddess.net a bit.

Bad Flashbacks: An analysis of USC v ASU 2009

Football Fiends,

If I did not know better, I’d have sworn we were looking at a Paul Hackett coached USC team on Saturday in Tempe. We looked that bad. That undisciplined. That off the mark. Coverages were blown. Our vaunted speed on defense was nowhere to be seen. Our freshman phenom QB looked like, well, a freshman QB minus the phenom.

And don’t even get me started on the play calling. If I were Pete Carroll (or Mike Garrett as Carroll seems befuddled by this implosion of the mighty Trojans), I’d be taking Offensive Coordinator Jeremy Bates and Defensive Coordinator Rocky Seto out behind the proverbial woodshed. 3rd and 15 and you call a running play? Are you freaking kidding me?

The USC offense continues to struggle on 3rd downs, something USC fans have not seen in the offenses of the Pete Carroll era. However in the past we’ve had guys like Norm Chow and Lane Kiffin and Steve Sarkisian calling the plays. Remember? Remember when USC was explosive on offense? Remember when every single play called wasn’t a 2-4 yard running play?

BTW, what’s the deal with the revolving door of offensive coaches for the Trojans?  And WTF is Bates’ issue? Has he not studied the type of offense the Trojans run?  This is not the NFL. We do not play to tie. This is not the Big Ten. We do not play safe. We do not play conservative. Do that in the Pac 10 and you end up with two (or more) losses.

Saturday the Trojans struggled on both sides of the ball. Our offense has scored one touchdown in six quarters. Matt Barkley was 7/22 for 122 yards with one TD and one INT.  USC had 12 first downs compared to ASU’s 23. We had 258 yards of total offense compared to ASU’s 347.  We passed for 122 yards, they passed for 266. We were 0-1 on fourth down conversions, the Sundevils were 2-3.  ASU coughed up the ball 4 times and USC only capitalized on that once. Will Harris had an electric 55 yard interception return in the 2nd quarter.

Make no mistake ASU outplayed USC in just about every way. In fact, for much of the fourth quarter, USC looked like it was doing its best to give the game away. This team is not hungry. Or it doesn’t have chemistry. Or both. The Trojans no longer make the great 2nd half adjustments they’ve become known for.  The offense is anemic. The defense is slow and seems to have forgotten how to tackle their opponents.

In short, this 2009 Trojan Football team looks a whole hell of a lot like 1998-99 Paul Hackett coached Trojan football team.

Rebuilding is not a bad word. We’re so used to Pete Carroll just reloading year after year. We’re spoiled. We’re possibly the most spoiled fan base in NCAA football.  This USC football team is a mystery. They seem to be getting worse as the season goes on, not better.

And next week we get Stanford. The Cardinal completely took apart Oregon on Saturday while we struggled with the Sundevils. The Cardinal soundly beat the Ducks 51-42.  Maybe Oregon had a USC hangover. But I suspect USC’s defense is just incapable of stopping a mobile QB. We’ve seen it for YEARS. Texas in the 2006 Rose Bowl. Oregon State in 2008. Washington and Oregon this year.

I am really afraid for this Stanford game.

USC is rebuilding.  Just keep telling yourself that Trojan fans. This is not the Hackett era. It just looks and feels a whole lot like it. And those were dark days. Dark Days Indeed.

-Your Gridiron Goddess

Week 10 College Football Picks: New drinking game edition

Hey Football Fiends-

I’ve invented a new drinking game that ensures you can responsibly handle the duties of a designated driver. Every time USC’s Defense makes a tackle, take a shot.

Big announcement coming soon STILL!!!  For now, this broken hearted Trojan is going to stop sulking over last week’s loss and look ahead to the… Holiday Bowl? Las Vegas Bowl? Fiesta Bowl? Who knows. I am trying to convince myself I don’t care, but that’s not true.

USC over ASU (Look out Sundevils, this is our 6th road game of the season and we’re angry. However, we still do not know how to tackle.)

Minnesota over Illinois

NCSU over Maryland

GA Tech over Wake Forest

Oklahoma State over Iowa State

Alabama over LSU

Oklahoma over Nebraska

Penn State over Ohio State

Oregon State over Cal

Washington over UCLA

Oregon over Stanford

Clemson over FSU

Michigan over Purdue

I’ll be back on Sunday with a USC game recap.

-Your Gridiron Goddess

NFL Week 9 Picks: Here We Go Again

Week 9 Final: 9-4

Week 8 final: 7-6

Week 7 final: 7-5

Week 6 Final: 7-7  Uggghhh

Week 5 Final: 8-6

Week 4 Final: 11-3

Week 3 Final 10-6

Week 2 Final: 9-7

Week 1 Final: 12-4

 

-Your Gridiron Goddess

From The Archives: Vinny Testaverde Press Conference #2 – “Panthers, I’ll be there for you.”

Hey Football Fiends-

Here’s another in the Vinny T series!

October 15, 2007 – Charlotte, North Carolina – Panthers Practice Facilities

Veteran quarterback Vinny Testaverde, fresh off a road win at Arizona, called another late night press conference last night. The room was packed with reporters after news of last week’s Testaverde does Bon Jovi karaoke style press conference leaked. At 2 minutes after midnight, Testaverde strode into the room wearing leather pants and a shiny black shirt unbuttoned to the waist. He carried a boom box.

He set the boom box down on the podium and hit play. As the familiar sound of Bon Jovi’s “I’ll Be There For You” started to play, Vinny pulled a wireless microphone out of his back pocket.

Testaverde’s full speech, er, song follows:

Testaverde: “I guess this time you’re really seeing
That this old QB is for real
And since I pummeled the Cardinals
You’ve jumped on my bandwagon

You know I’ve won the Heisman
And played for many teams
It’s been my dream my whole life

To win a Superbowl ring

Coach Fox I’m praying you’ll give me one more start, man

I’ll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you play I want to be the QB for you
I’ll be there for you
I’d pass and I’d throw for you
Promise not to fumble the ball for you
Panthers you gotta know what Vinny can do
I’ll be there for you

I know Delhomme’s had some good games
And David Carr’s given it his best

I can promise you that Vinny
Will be the QB you can’t forget

And baby you know my hands are steady
But I don’t need no gloves like Carr
I’ll bring a championship to Charlotte
If you just give me the chance

I’ll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you play I want to be the QB for you
I’ll be there for you
I’d pass and I’d throw for you
Promise not to fumble the ball for you
Panthers you gotta know what Vinny can do
I’ll be there for you”

-Your Gridiron Goddess

From the Archives: Vinny Testaverde calls press conference

Hey Football Fiends!

Did you catch my USC Trojans’ defensive performance on Halloween? You didn’t? Funny, NEITHER DID I. NO TACKLES. NO TACKLES. *&^$^%&%&^%@^&*&(()_  Sorry, apparently I am still twitchy over that 47-20 loss.

Remember back in 2007 when Jake Delhomme went down with injury and David Carr’s glove love wasn’t doing it for the Panthers? John Fox went out and signed a fresh prospect, a Heisman Trophy winner… from 1986. Vinny Testaverde put aside his AARP materials to don the Panther Blue.  And I was greatly amused by this turn of events. Today in From the Archives we take a look at a “press conference” Vinny called to alert the citizens of North Carolina of his arrival.

Phoenix, Arizona — October 13, 2007 — undisclosed hotel of the Carolina Panthers

Veteran Quarterback Vinny Testeverde, recently signed to a one-year contract with the Carolina Panthers to shore up their injured QBs Jake Delhomme and David Carr, called a late-night press conference to address rumors of his AARP eligibility first spread by sports writer Amy the Gridiron Goddess in her October 12th appearance on Los Angeles radio station KROQ’s Kevin and Bean show.

Full transcript of Testaverde’s speech follows below.

Testaverde: “Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, thanks for coming out and indulging me at this late hour. I just have a few things I need to get off my chest.”

Testaverde then pulled a CD player out from the podium and hit play. As the familiar sound of Bon Jovi’s hit song “It’s My Life” began to play, Vinny grabbed the microphone and moved out in front of the podium. The press was puzzled and intrigued. What was this aging, wily QB from Brooklyn up to? And why was he wearing leather pants?

Testaverde: “This ain’t a start I don’t deserve
No silent prayer for the injured reserve
I ain’t gonna be just a guy on the sidelines
You’re gonna hear the fans shout
When I cross the goal line

It’s my game
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna play forever
I just want to play while I’m alive
(It’s my game)
The field is like an open highway
Like Vinny said
I did it my way
I just wanna play while I’m alive
It’s my game

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Marino and Favre who never backed down
Tomorrow’s getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain’t even lucky
Got to make your own plays

It’s my game
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna play forever
I just want to play while I’m alive
(It’s my game)
The field is like an open highway
Like Vinny said
I did it my way
I just wanna play while I’m alive
It’s my game

Better stand tall when they’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break, hell, don’t back down

It’s my game
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna play forever
I just want to play while I’m alive
(It’s my game)
The field is like an open highway
Like Vinny said
I did it my way
I just wanna play while I’m alive
It’s my game.

-Your Gridiron Goddess

From the Archives: Separated at Birth #5: Stanford Edition

Hey Football Fiends!

I’ve got some big news potentially to share with you all regarding Your Gridiron Goddess further expanding her internet reach, but I am going to wait until its all official like and I can point you to the new digs before I officially announce it. (However, SQUEEE it is exciting!)

In the meantime, I’m going to share some classic funny/snarky/silly posts for the next few days, starting with a Separated At Birth Classic:

 

Stanford Head Coach Jim Harbaugh:

 

 

 

 

 

 

and The Family Guy’s Quagmire:

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-Your Gridiron Goddess

so yeah about that game…

It just hurts too fucking much football fiends. 27 points. We lost by 27 points. This is unacceptable.

More later.

Oh, BTW – my Halloween costume:

No CFB week 9 or NFL week 8 Picks

Sorry Football Fiends – I was without internet access while I was in Utah!

College Football Week 8: Holy Cr*p the season is more than 1/2 over

Hey Football Fiends!

Here are my CFB picks for Week 8.  I’ll be back with content OTHER THAN picks next week.

USC over Oregon State (Jacquizz Rodgers be damned)

GA Tech over UVA

Miami (FL) over Clemson

Purdue over Illinois

Ohio State over MN

ND over BC

Bama over TN

Oregon over Washington

Penn State over  Michigan

Texas over Mizzou (Come on Mizzou, take care of Texas, will you? They are not NEARLY good enough to be in contention for the BCS Championship)

Arizona over fUCLA

Arkansas over Ole Miss

Cincy over L’Ville

Michigan State over Iowa

TCU over BYU

Stanford over ASU

-Your Gridiron Goddess