Archive for the ‘Carolina Panthers’ Category


From the Archives: Delhomme and Carr fight back

November 11, 2009

Football Fiends-

Today we conclude our trip through the archives with the final “Press Conference” in the Vinny Testaverde series. My NFL picks (ugh. this has not been my season at ALL) will go up tomorrow before the Bears and 49ers kick off in San Francisco. Fresh USC content will go up on Buster Sports tomorrow.

But now, without further ado: I present the 4th installment in the Carolina Panthers Bon Jovi Press Conferences

October 24, 2007 – Charlotte, North Carolina – Panthers facilities

p1_delhomme_apIn response to recent press conferences called by Vinny Testaverde, QBs Jake Delhomme and David Carr called a press conference of their own tonight. At precisely two minutes past midnight, the Panthers QBs entered the room decked out like Bon Jovi groupies circa 1986. The room of reporters stifled laughs. This ought to be good, I thought to myself. As the familiar sounds of Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” began to play, Delhomme informed us they had something to say in response to Testaverde’s recent press conferences.

Full transcript of Carr and Delhomme’s Press Conference follows:


Carr: “Jakey used to play first string
His elbow went on strike
He’s down on his luck…it’s tough, so tough
Delhomme: David cleans his gloves all day
With a sore back, tryin’ to keep the pain at bay
For glove – for glove

Delhomme and Carr: He says we’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got
cause it doesn’t make a difference
If we make it or not
We’ve got each other and that’s a lot
For glove – we’ll give it a shot

Whooah, were half way there
Vinny hasn’t got a prayer
Take my hand and we’ll make it – I swear
Vinny hasn’t got a prayer

Delhomme: Vinny’s got his Heisman in hock
Now he’s holding in what he used
To make it talk – so tough, it’s tough
Carr: Vinny dreams of starting on gameday
When we challenge Vinny to fight,
He tells us we’ll regret this, someday

Delhomme and Carr: We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got
cause it doesn’t make a difference
If we make it or not
We’ve got each other and that’s a lot
For glove – we’ll give it a shot

We’ve got to hold on ready or not
Our spots on the team, its all that we’ve got.”

-Your Gridiron Goddess



From The Archives: You Give Glove a Bad Name

November 10, 2009

Football Fiends-

It’s Tuesday and once again we’re delving into the archives to bring you some laughs. Below is the 3rd “press conference” in my 2007 Satire series about Carolina signing Vinny Testaverde.

October 17, 2007 Charlotte, North Carolina – Panthers Practice Facilities

COWBOYS TESTAVERDEBlogs and Sports Media are calling for Coach John Fox to name David Carr the starting QB for next weekend’s home game against the Indianapolis Colts. Citing his age, sports writers and bloggers dismiss the Vinny-mania currently hitting North Cakalak by pointing out the fact that Testaverde turns 44 next month. Reporters got the call from Testaverde this evening, another midnight press conference has been called. We can only wonder what he’s going to do this time. Will he point out that Carr has not provided evidence to back up sports writers claims that he is the starting QB? And what about those gloves?

Testaverde as usual, made his entrance at precisely 2 minutes after midnight wearing skin tight torn jeans and a vintage Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet concert t-shirt. He placed the boom box on the podium and hit play. The familiar notes of the hit Bon Jovi song “You Give Love a Bad Name” started to play he turned around with his wireless microphone and…

Full Testaverde coverage follows.

Testaverde: “First I just want to say to all of you, thank you for coming out. I’d like to make you all, the fans, and the Panthers management aware of the following statistic. I have 6,562 career pass attempts. The Panthers have 6,412 pass attempts in their entire history. I ask you now, who should be starting? Me or the Gloved one?

Will I be under center please do tell
You signed me to save you, and I did it so well
Who will be the starting QB?
Is it David Carr or Testaverde?

My arm is a loaded gun
There’s nowhere to run
No one else can save you
The damage is done

Demoted to second string
And you’re to blame
You give glove a bad name
I play my best and you play pretty lame
You give glove a bad name
You give glove a bad name

Put your gloves on your hands
Mr. Mittens is what you’re called by the fans
You smile so bright, your hair’s just right
One more sack and your back will say goodnight

My arm is a loaded gun
There’s nowhere to run
No one else can save you
The damage is done

Demoted to second string
And you’re to blame
You give glove a bad name
I play my best and you play pretty lame
You give glove a bad name
You give glove a bad name”

-Your Gridiron Goddess



NFL Picks – Week 3: Not sure about that Indy-AZ game

September 24, 2009

Week 3 Final 10-6

Week 2 Final: 9-7

Week 1 Final: 12-4

Hey Football Fiends!

I am so not sure what to do about the Indianapolis-Arizona game. Not sure at all. As of the moment of writing this post, I’m going with AZ. However, I MAY change my mind before game time. It’s only fair to let you know. My Pick Em league lets me change my pick up to 5 minutes before the start of the game. If I do change my mind I will note it with an asterick.

TN over Jets – am not changing again. Decided no team of Jeff Fischer’s is going to lose 3 in a row.

Texas over Jax

Eagles over KC

Baltimore over Cleveland

NY Giants over Bucs

Redskins over Lions

Green Bay over Rams

Vikings over San Fransisco

New England over Atlanta

Chicago over Seattle

New Orleans over Buffalo

San Diego over Miami

Pittsburgh over Cincinatti

Oakland over Denver

Arizona over Indianapolis

Dallas over Carolina

-Your Gridiron Goddess



NFL Picks Week 5

October 3, 2008

Colts over Texans

Ravens over Titans

Chargers over Dolphins

Panthers over Chiefs

Eagles over Redskins

Bears over Lions

Giants over Seahawks

Broncos over Bucs

Pats over 49ers

Bills over Cardinals

Cowboys over Bengals

Steelers over Jags

Packers over Falcons

New Orleans over Minnesota


NFL Picks – Week 3

September 19, 2008

Hey Football Fiends,
Well damn. This is an odd and hard to pick slate of games. Stephen (of Your Fantasy Football Reality Check) and I went over and over and over them again and came to the conclusion that all but maybe two games are completely unpredictable. LOL

Atlanta over KC 38-14

Bills over Raiders 24-23

Tennessee over Texans 31-12

Giants over Bengals 26-23

Washington over Arizona 24-17

Patriots over Miami 38-13

Bears over Tampa 27-24

Vikings over Panthers 20-10

Seahawks over Rams 37-13

San Francisco over Detroit 31-13

Denver over New Orleans 34-31

Philly over Pittsburgh 15-6

Jaguars over Colts 23-21

Browns over Ravens 28-10

Dallas over Green Bay

Chargers over Jets

-Your Gridiron Goddess


NFL Picks – Week 2

September 12, 2008

WRAP UP: Stinking up the joint so far w these picks!! 8-7-1 (postponed). Worst week ever for my picks.

hey Football Fiends!

Here are your NFL Picks for week 2

Oakland over KC 23-8

Bengals over Titans 24-7 (I am officially over the Bengals)

Colts over Vikings 18-15

Saints over Redskins 29-24

Packers over Lions 48-25

Bears over Panthers 20-17

Giants over Rams 41-13

Bucs over Falcons 24-9

Jaguars over Bills 20-16

Seahawks over 49ers 33-30

Arizona over Miami 31-10

Jets over Patriots 19-10. Way to go Matt Cassel!

Chargers over Broncos 39-38 Really San Diego? 2 weeks in a row by 1 point? Really?

Steelers over Browns 10-6


Cowboys over Eagles

Ravens over Texans

-Your Gridiron Goddess


NFL Week 1 Picks

September 6, 2008

Week 1 Wrap Up: 11-5 Ugh, I can do so much better!

Hey there football fiends,

Here are your Week 1 NFL picks:


Giants over Redskins


Lions over Falcons

Bengals over Ravens

Seahawks over Bills

Jets over Dolphins

Pats over Chiefs

Saints over Bucs

Eagles over Rams

Steelers over Texans

Titans over Jaguars

Cowboys over Browns

Chargers over Panthers

Cards over 49ers

Colts over Bears


Packers over Vikings

Broncos over Raiders

-Your Gridiron Goddess